Life as I Knew it was Over

Have you ever had something happen that’s changed your life dramatically? Something that made the way you lived change entirely? Even the way I viewed the men in my life took a plunder. Divorce affects every aspect of a person’s life.

My parents got divorced when I was 17. It was totally out of nowhere and seemed unthinkable. There was no fighting or any disruptions in the way we went about things. It all happened very suddenly. Even my mother didn’t see it coming.

8851713472_d0a7816d14_oThe morning after getting my wisdom teeth out I woke up to be greeted by my father in the living room. He told me he was leaving and that it had nothing to do with me; that it wasn’t my fault. Then he gathered his things and left. I acted as though nothing had happened. The realization of him leaving didn’t really sink in until about a month later.  

I always got along better with my dad and after he left I stopped seeing him almost all together. That crushed me. He was the one I always turned to and wanted to be around. He doesn’t’ even speak to my brother anymore.  I started feeling depressed and dressing different. He wasn’t the person I remembered and loved. His actions had an immense impact on how I started to view the men in my life.

 

I became more aware of sexism and inequality in the media and life in general. I would read into things that weren’t supposed to be read into. I started to believe that all men were the same and nothing would change.

I would go around getting defensive about what anyone would say and turning it into a battle about sexism. It took me awhile to realize I was being extreme and needed to tone it down a bit. I was pushing away the people I loved; they would always ask me why I had to twist everything into a fight about sexism.

I was getting so out of things I had to go to therapy. It took me a long time to open up but once I did it really helped me move on.

Currently, I’ve been more relaxed with my feminist attitude. I’ve realized that everyone thinks differently and I should let them think what they want without turning it into a fight about genders. I try to only speak up in certain situations were it would benefit the conversation.

Divorce isn’t pretty. It changed the person who I was. I’m back on track to some normalcy but not everything will return to it’s former state; which isn’t always bad.

What were some of your life changing events?

C-Payne

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Life as I Knew it was Over

  1. Dear C-Payne,

    This is a great story, touched my heart. I had the same problem. My father left me as well one time, but was man enough to come back. it was insane. I feel for you, and I’m sorry. Thanks for sharing!

    • rroth18,
      I am glad that I am not the only one who experienced something like this. I’m glad that your father is back in your life. I’m slowing beginning to get to see my dad more as time has past. Hopefully we can work on our relationship.

      C-Payne

  2. Dear C-Payne

    For sharing your story I am sure it was difficult and affected your family situation. However I am not finding the connection between your father leaving and you seeing the world as being sexist. Possibly if you could have clarified where the bridge was I could have understood it better and it would of improved your blog.

  3. Dear C-Payne

    Thanks for sharing your story I am sure it was difficult and affected your family situation. However I am not finding the connection between your father leaving and you seeing the world as being sexist. Possibly if you could have clarified where the bridge was I could have understood it better and it would of improved your blog.

    • This paragraph is supposed to show the link between my dad leaving and the sexism:

      I always got along better with my dad and after he left I stopped seeing him almost all together. That crushed me. He was the one I always turned to and wanted to be around. He doesn’t’ even speak to my brother anymore. I started feeling depressed and dressing different. He wasn’t the person I remembered and loved. His actions had an immense impact on how I started to view the men in my life.

      Him leaving and not even being apart of my life anymore really changed how I viewed men. He didn’t act how I thought someone who loves you should act. I generalized all men to how my father acted.

  4. Hey Girlie,
    I’m sorry that you had to go through this in your life and I’m sorry that you lost that one person in your life you thought would be there forever. My parents fight and argue constantly and the threat of getting a divorce is said on a regular basis, but I don’t think they would ever actually do it. I think that everything in life changes who we are as a person; some are more dramatic than others. I like how you don’t take and put up with the crap that men usually put girls through. It shows how strong you are and strong you’ve become. Don’t hate the world and hate every guy because of what you’re dad put you through though; not every guy is your father. Love you & I’ll miss you!

    -Courtney F

    • Dear Courtney,
      Thanks for the advice. I’m slowing realizing that not every guy is like my father. It was tough to get away from that idea but I’m working on it. If my dad never left I wouldn’t be the person that I am today; I’m proud of who I’ve become going through this.

      Love you, keep in touch. 🙂

      C-Payne

  5. C. Payne,
    I can relate to you, in a sense. My parents were never married, and I always had to deal with split custody. My dad decided to move to Texas when I was in second grade, then came back my third grade year “to stay”. He left again with no notice not even three months later. I watched my fiance deal with the divorce of his parents. Going from a whole family to a split family is a lot more difficult than never having memories of your parents together, as in my case. I wish your dad would have been more considerate to how his decision effected you and your sibling. A lot of parents don’t understand that terminating your status as a husband/wife does not end your status as a dad/mom.

    I am glad you are finding a healthy balance in your life with your beliefs versus how it effects your relationship with the people around you.

    ~Kayla O.

    • Dear Kayla O,
      Thanks for your comment. I’m sorry that your dad left without telling you. It would also be hard to watch someone so close to you deal with a divorced family.
      I went from seeing my dad everyday to not at all. I guess his status as a dad ended with his status as a husband, as you put it.

      C-Payne

  6. Dear C-Payne,
    You are my best friend and you are such an amazing person! I know how difficult it was for you to post this but I am glad you can talk about it more comfortably now. I love how you explained why you started hating men. Normally girls start generalizing men/boys when they go through breakups, but in your situation it was different, it was your dad. I loved this blog and how you related to people.

    Thanks,
    Big Will

  7. Thank you for sharing your story, that couldnt have been an easy thing to go threw. I could never understand what that would be like, I am sorry you had to go threw that. Thank you again for sharing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s